Today is International Yoga Day! A much needed reminder to take a moment and sit in silence to embrace the softer side of yoga. Believe me, this moody pregnant girl NEEDED some some of this today ;D
Throughout my pregnancy I have been going non-stop and barely taking a moment to breathe. I wasn't certain how to process my rollercoaster of emotions today and meditation was there for me.
Were the feelings warranted and derived from me loosing my job and fear of not being able to pay the bills? Or were they simply my hormones raging?
My daily yoga practice is yoga sculpt or from time-to-time I'll take my friend Katrina's pre-natal class. Meditation has never been a part of my routine. Man oh man, did I need it today.
They say that those who cannot meditate are the ones who need it the most. Touche.
I took 30 minutes out of my day to create a "zen" space in my apartment and sit in meditation. Belly hanging out and all! Everything that is not supposed to happen during meditation bubbled up for me.
I recently lost my job from a company that I gave my life & soul to. The company has been working through bankruptcy yet I still found myself playing victim and harboring feelings of anger and resentment towards them.
To be let go as a loyal employee at this stage of pregnancy is one of the more stressful circumstances I have had to face in life.
As I sat in stillness, I was enraged that I was put in a situation were I have to worry if I can pay my portion of rent, my car payment, and just general living expenses. What about my health insurance?!!
I continued to egg myself on with the notion that the only thing I should have to be worrying about right now in my life is picking out a good color for the walls in the baby's nursery. But Noooooo, I can't even afford to have nursery because I was let go from a company that I gave my all to.
Okay, okay, okay. First world problems, I know.
My rollercoaster took a turn and I went on the "who do you think you are?" journey.
Why do I deserve to have a nice nursery or good healthcare when there are families who can barely afford to put food on the table. Heck, who am I to complain about these issues when some women can't get pregnant at all?! I should be grateful that I have a healthy baby growing and not concerned about having a nursery. Guilt and shame set in.
After that came nothing but blankness and coincidentally the timer I set for 30 min went off nearing the end of my emotional ride.
I took today's practice as a lesson that I need to process my feelings more and take time for myself. Especially during this special period of my life.
I will be back on my cushion tomorrow! Hopefully with a clear head and heart after working through the stuff that has been lingering in my head the past few weeks!
Betsy BenniS, FoundeR, Beautiful With Baby
Beautiful With Baby started as a result of owner, Betsy Bennis, experiencing numerous career set-backs in the fashion & beauty industry. Betsy has always had a passion for empowering other women by helping them connect with their inner & outer beauty through fashion, beauty, & personal development.